The Sweetest Pain
by DonnysGirl87
Summary: A bitter sweet one-shot. Set in the 2012 Universe. After the episode 'The Mutation Situation' and before 'Target April O'Neil'. Just my take on what might of happened in that space of time, the characters are also a bit older due to the content. This is my first attempt at a one-shot :) Enjoy. I do not own TMNT in any way shape or form. :)


The Sweetest Pain

It had been five weeks since the accident that had seen poor Kirby O'Neil transformed into a giant mutant bat and non-stop, in between searching for the scattered mutagen canisters Donnie had been working to find a cure. Hed do anything for April, anything, to the very least get back into her good graces. That alone would be enough. He missed her so much. Many distractions had happened after then, the squirrelanoids, poor Timothy becoming the Mutagen Man, Michelangelos shellachne and many other things that had happened but still the memory haunted him. That night in the warehouse was still imprinted on his brain, how Mikey blurted out everything that had happened and that look, the look that had seized April's features after she learned the truth. And the words, oh god the awful words that were even now scarred across his mind. Donnie would never forget them.

_ "Don't touch me! You keep away from me! I never wanna see your faces, ever again!"_

Donatello fumbled the test-tube in his fingers, cursing as it caused him to knock over the beaker on his lab bench. The contents hissed and smoked as it ate into the wooden surface, leaving an acrid stench that made the young mutant's eyes water. "For goodness sake! Really? Really Donnie? Get your mind straight man!" He wiped the back of his hand across his eyes and stifled a cough as the smell snagged at the back of his throat.

He had to get his mind back on track. The only way he could concentrate was to lock away the horrible memory at the back of his thoughts and leave it there. He needed to think of something else. For some strange reason his memory jumped to the harrowing fiasco with the squirrelanoids once more. Yeah, that was one horrifying experience that he was in no hurry to relive again. It was startling at how much could happen over such a short space of time. A year ago if his future self had come back to see him and tell him all that would happened he would of laughed at the pure absurdity of it all. It just couldn't be true but that was life for you, throwing curve balls at you no matter how ridiculous the pitch. The unbelievable had happened.

Donnie sighed as his recollections flowed full circle and brought him right back to the memory that hed tried to escape from in the first place. He slammed a fist against the worktop, the beaker rocking from the vibration caused by the force of the blow. "Damn it Donnie! Concentrate you fool!" The teen muttered under his breath, he sighed and kneaded weary fingers to his forehead. It was late; maybe he should go to bed and come back to it in the morning with a fresh perspective. But how? How could he rest knowing that somewhere out there, there was a was a girl whose only wish was to have her father back, just as she remembered him. How could he refuse a wish like that? No. He could not rest and he would not rest. He had to rectify that wrong. Yes, there were some things that were simply out of your control but that didnt stop Donnie feeling responsible about it. "God April, I'm sorry, he murmured faintly, bowing his head.

"Who are you talking to Donnie?"

Donatello froze. His eyes widened as it finally registered whose voice it was. No. It couldn't be. He had to be dreaming. His hands clenched into fists upon the lab table, still denying it when his breath caught as the voice spoke again.

"What are you working on?" The tone asked innocently.

Head bowed and staring at his blanching knuckles, Donnie inhaled slowly and valiantly tried to compose himself. He failed and his voice stuttered out in one hurried rush of inarticulate words. "It's ah, I mean I working on a, um, yeah um an anti-mutagen thing," damn it! He sounded like Mikey for goodness sake!

"Oh, I see."

He raised a despairing hand to his brow, his back still to the owner of the familiar voice as he shook his head. Donnie just couldn't bring himself to turn around. He was too afraid, too embarrassed, and too ashamed. Too guilty.

"Aren't you going to look at me?" There was a hint of disappointment.

Donatello's features creased and he swallowed awkwardly. How could he deny her? Really? He sucked in a steadying breath and shifted around, keeping his fingers lightly touching the bench as he subtly leant against it. His almond shaped chestnut red eyes struck the ground at his feet.

"Donnie?"

From this angle he could just see the edge of her black boots. He immediately looked to the side, still fighting with his feelings when the girl he cared so much for stepped forward and slipped a soft hand to the side of his face. There was a sharp intake of breath and Donnie's eyes snapped shut. The air shuddered out of his lungs at her touch as he both savoured and feared the feel of her warm fingers against his skin.

"Please Donnie," the girl tried again.

Finally Donnie found his voice. "What are you doing here April?"

"I came to apologise," she uttered.

"What?" Bright eyes opened a crack, but still refused to catch her gaze.

Her answer was almost hesitant. "I missed you guys," her hand tilted his face to look down at her. "I, missed you."

At last he looked at her, his disbelief clear as April hovered close to him, her fingers sliding away as she wrung her hands together. "You, you did?"

"Of course I did, I- I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Donnie's heart fluttered.

"And there"s no one else I can talk to about what happened, you're the one who knows everything."

Donatello uttered a humourless half laugh and rolled his head back to the ceiling, taking the meaning of her words quite literally. Oh, he would like to think he knew everything but he didn't; not really, though he hated to admit it.

"Donnie?"

"I'm not infallible April," he uttered. "I've been trying to find a cure for your father for weeks and each experiment has failed miserably."

"You'll get it in the end Donnie," April whispered. "I know you will, you never give up, it's in your nature, you always keep your promises and, and I'm so sorry I lost faith in you."

Donnie glanced up at her. Was he really hearing this? Surely he should be the one apologising, not April. She had every right to still be mad at him. "Why April?"

The redhead looked puzzled. "Why what?"

"Why are you not mad anymore? Why- why are you apologising?"

April looked shyly at her feet, very unusual for her normally stubborn nature; the young scientist found it endearing. "Because, I- I realised something Donnie," her bright blue gaze rolled up to meet his, shining with an emotion that Donatello had never seen before.

"What?" He murmured, his mind denying what his eyes were telling him. "What did you realise?"

"Are you seriously telling me Donnie, that you really don't know?"

Somewhat confused Donatello felt a worrying anxiousness claw at his breast that caused his breathing to turn shallow. What was it that he didn't know? That, according to April that he should know?

April bit her bottom lip, as if looking to her friend to say the words for her. She sighed and raised her hands to the top of Donnie's plastron as she stepped closer and the mutant froze not knowing how to react. His hands now gripped the workbench behind him and he swallowed awkwardly. "Wha-what is it April?" He'd never felt so stupid saying those words.

"I-I think I love you Donnie," she whispered, her voice barely audible but the young ninja in front of her heard every word.

Donatello's breath hitched in his throat. He could scarcely believe what he had just heard. Did she actually say that? To him? To him? No, it just wasn't possible. He never knew that April harboured this feeling toward him, he'd always secretly hoped but never suspected, ever that the girl he cared so much about would confess such a startling revelation to him. The next thing he said only made him feel even more idiotic.

"Re-really?"

A small smile quirked at the corner of her lovely mouth and April nodded. "I-I know you feel the same way, you don't precisely hide it very well, do you Donnie?"

The teen's mouth had suddenly grown dry and he heaved in a breath that stuck uncomfortably in his throat. 'Please let this be real,' his mind begged desperately. All he could do in response to her question was clumsily shake his head. He felt so foolish.

April looked up almost tenderly and raised her hands to the sides of his face. "Is there, something you want to say to me Donnie?"

Donatello strove to control the tremble that had suddenly seized his limbs and he felt himself involuntarily pressing into the lab bench behind him. It creaked with protest and suddenly scraped across the floor with an abrupt jolt making him stagger back. April naturally tripped with him unable to stop the forward momentum of the unexpected movement and Donnie's immediate reaction was to grab her with one arm as his feet steadied his clumsy fall and snatching the table again as the apparatus upon it rattled.

"S-sorry," he uttered sheepishly, his cheeks suddenly flushing a deep crimson.

A gentle giggle bubbled up from April and met Donnie's ears like the voice of an angel in a heavenly choir. "It's okay, where were we?"

"Umm-," the young man fumbled.

"That's right," she whispered. "You want to say something to me?"

Donnie swallowed back the awkwardness that he suddenly felt, the air constricting in his lungs as he felt his face continue to burn. Her body was pressed up against him, close, so close and she hadn't pulled back. Oh yes, there was something he wanted to say. The words seared through his mind and demanded to be voiced but he was afraid. What if she laughed in his face? No, April wasn't that cruel. He must of stayed silent a moment to long because her voice sang up to him again, both hands slipping to the back of his neck. His eyes snapped shut for a second, holding his breath as the softness of her touch robbed him of the ability to speak.

"I know," April murmured. "It's difficult to say for the first time."

Donnie felt himself nodding. His emotions were frothing about too much within him to say anything even remotely coherent at that moment in time. But April was right. He was so glad that she understood. She was just so wonderful.

"I'll make it easier for you."

For moment Donnie wondered what she meant but then something both amazing and terrifying happened. For the briefest of moments her sweet breath glided across his lips and before he even registered what was happening her mouth was pressed up against his, soft as rose petals and warm as a sun kissed pebble on a beach. He felt a barrage of fireworks go off in his chest as his brain tried to process the moment and then got lost in the explosion of sensations and feelings that all grappled for attention at the same time.

April finally drew back, hands now resting on his collarbone. She gazed back up at him, eyes sparkling like sunbeams caught on the surface of some exotic azure ocean. Donnie's expression was one of utter disbelief and deep suppressed longing drawn forth by April's tender actions. He felt a lump swell in his throat and his own eyes that unexpectedly started to burn made him blink furiously for a few moments. "A-April," he managed to stammer.

"How about now, Donnie?"

Donatello took a shivering breath in and as he exhaled the words suddenly flowed forth so much easier. "I love you April."

The smile that crossed her face made Donnie's heart skip a beat. An overwhelming urge surged through him unlike anything he had ever experienced before and he reacted without thinking. He gently cupped her face in his hands, tilted it up and after a second's hesitation kissed April back. She returned it with a lot more fervour than he had first anticipated but as her arms snaked around his neck to pull him closer, Donnie enveloped his arms about her and drew her deeper into his kiss. Mouths parted instinctively and sudden desperate yearning urges flowed through the youth, painful and demanding. April didn't refuse him and both were soon utterly lost in the other with searching hands and light eager breathing.

* * *

When Donnie awoke he was in his bed, alone. It took a few moments to process what had happened. He numbly looked across at the photograph that sat on the bedside table and clumsily groped for the lamp. It snapped on and the picture of April on the swing with him behind her burst into colour. He bit his bottom lip as the realisation hit him with the force of speeding articulated truck.

Donnie felt his chin tremble. He sucked his bottom lip in further to stop the miserable wobble but it was no good. The lump was already blooming in his throat and his eyes had started to sting. It was a dream. The whole damn thing was a dream both haunting and beautiful but taunting and cruel. Why would his own brilliant mind torment him so callously like this? It just wasn't fair!

A trembling hand drew the photograph face down and with a sudden snap of fury he flung his fist to the side and the lamp smashed with startling force against the cold wall. The light instantly vanished with a chorus of shattering glass as the bulb seemingly exploded on impact. The anger fled Donatello as suddenly as it had emerged and he collapsed back on to his pillow as he lost the battle to thrust the upset back down. A sob choked through him jolting his body making the mattress squeak mockingly at him. He could still feel the arousing warmth gradually fading in his lower torso and it only served to fuel his misery further.

The tears escaped in great blinding drops that blurred his vision, the emotion rising thick and fast as wretched sobs hiccuped through him in unrelenting spasms. He wanted April back, he wanted her back so badly and now his dreams only conspired to make his current existence an utter misery. Showing him scenes that couldn't possibly come true. It hurt. It hurt so much. He was quite literally at the end of his tether. Any further and he knew he would fall into gaping oblivion shouting April's name.

"I'm sorry April," he whimpered. "I-I-," words altogether failed him and he gave into the tears. He muffled his sobs in his pillow, hugging it fiercely and wishing with all his heart that it was somebody else.

**The End.**


End file.
